Part of the human condition is thinking of ourselves as infinitely more complex in comparison to others. While it seems possible —sometimes readily so— to access the inner workings of those around us, we can’t help but categorize ourselves as trickier to define. I don’t necessarily think such conceptualization is complimentary; while it may be born in part from narcissism, it might actually reveal something more troubling.

Why can’t we see ourselves accurately? A quick perusal through social media readily reveals that many of us are seeking validation. Inherently there is nothing wrong with this. (Though it does get tedious when wrapped up in false pretense or done so constantly.) But sometimes I think that what we are really asking is for other people to tell us who we are, because we are questioning what we see. But maybe we have reason to.

Scientific America reveals that we are not as beautiful as we think. Science has shown that we display bias for ourselves that we don’t extend to others. Please go back and check your spectacles, because they are indeed rose colored!

If you ask people to rate themselves on a scale of attractiveness, most people rate themselves as above average. While I might not be a math wiz, it doesn’t take an expert to determine that such rankings are statistically impossible. However “above average effects” are quite common. The majority of people view themselves as more skilled or equipped than others in a whole range of rankings from driving skills to susceptibility to illness. Clearly, we’re not all in the top percentile. (Quick: who’s lying?!)

What if our inability to accurately view ourselves is tied to our instability of image?

I for one, have this constant suspicion (that naturally I have assumed is unique to myself) that people don’t know who I am, because they won’t be able to recognize my face. This happens with acquaintances all the time, even though I am rarely if ever failed to be identified by sight. Perhaps I’m just projecting my own inability to readily remember faces, or maybe I’m still working to piece together who I am in my eyes.

I know my generation is trained to think we’re all unique as a snowflake, or so the platitude goes. But I think there is something not just humbling, but peace inducing about realizing we are not that special. Because when we get off our pedestals and break down the mental misconceptions that we are somehow greater than or divided from everyone else, we can actually be more united with those around us.

At first it might be disappointing to realize that quite literally all of your little quirks and personality traits and even your thoughts are not unique to you. But when you think about it, this is also comforting. We don’t have to feel as though things “belong” to us. And we don’t ever have to think, even for a second, that we are alone in anything.