Learning how to stand up for yourself is an important asset to have. Today I explore how to stand up for yourself, especially while dealing with high conflict and stressful individuals.
How assertive are you in your life? If someone is mistreating you, do you know how to hold your ground, or do you allow others to walk all over you? Do you healthily voice your needs or simply agree with the people around you? Perhaps you are a loyal, vocal friend who would never allow for those you care for to be mistreated, but you cannot advocate for yourself in the same way. Being able to stand up for yourself is one of the greatest skills you can equip yourself with. Learn when to let things go and when to hold your ground, as well as how to navigate your way when it comes to high conflict people.
What is the right way to stand up for yourself? Avoid damaging your reputation and relationships by handling confrontation with the right attitude. Approaching life with confidence and assertiveness is a surefire way to command respect and lend validity to what you are saying. However, there is a difference between being cocky and being confident, with the separation often lying in the degree of respect. Project a personality that automatically allows you to advocate for yourself by allowing your confidence to make it clear that you and your point of view matter. Passivity can be read as a sign of weakness and sets people up to easily be trampled over by others. Don’t allow meekness to hold you back. When you are unable to express your needs, it is virtually impossible to have them met by others. Avoid feeling unheard, unfulfilled, and misunderstood by verbalizing your wants and needs clearly and politely.
When verbalizing your needs, it is important to monitor your tone to ensure that you are not coming off as combative while you advocate for your position. Aggressiveness can often come across in a negative light, immediately putting others on the defensive. Even if it is not your intention to be aggressive, monitor your tone by considering what other people are hearing. Self-righteousness is another trait that immediately turns people off, so if you are trying to push your position, avoid being pompous and superior. When people are blinded by the belief that their views are one-hundred percent right, they approach conversations with an unshakable bias that weakens their chance of being heard. It’s always healthy to approach discussions with an open mind to hear the other person out. However, be sure that your needs are not manipulated out of the equation during any negotiation. Remember that there are always ways to assert your point of view without invalidating the point of view of the person you are talking to.
Furthermore, it is never advised to come off too strongly when it comes to standing up for yourself. When sharing your views comes off as an attack, the person you are speaking with can feel ridiculed or belittled. Putting your opponent on the defensive is an excellent way to lose the argument and lessen the chance of your views being accepted. Be open to exploring a middle ground and forging a compromise when it is the wisest option. You never earn points for stubbornly holding on to your own beliefs when they are not getting you anywhere. Consider the point of view of the person you are speaking to and decide how you can express your point of view to them without attacking. Know when to justify your position and when to simply end the discussion.
Sometimes the best option is simply to walk away, especially when it comes to arguing with high conflict people. High conflict individuals largely lack insight into their behavior, so no matter how reasonable and logical your point of view sounds to you, they might choose to ignore it if it threatens their preconceived views of self. Arguing with a high conflict person might seem tempting in the heat of the moment, but it is a guaranteed way to get yourself ensnared in a never-ending argument that might set you up to becoming the high conflict person’s target of blame. Avoid having someone devote their time to upending your peace of mind by clearly and concisely stating your needs and walking away from such arguments ahead of time. Understand that not all arguments are worth having, especially when the other person isn’t willing to budge on their position. By keeping your emotions in check, you can help maneuver conflict in many cases.
Lastly, when holding a heated discussion, remember that you are the only person that has the power to invalidate your argument. Be open to shifting your views in light of new information, but never allow another person to twist your beliefs to fit their agenda. In abusive situations, gaslighting can be employed to deflect blame and make you doubt and question yourself. Avoid being gaslighted by being keenly aware of warning signs and holding conviction in what you know. At the same time, let go of stubbornness that can interfere with the ability to accept other people’s points of view. In some situations, you might be genuinely incorrect, and a strong and smart person is one who knows how to absorb new information and grow. By considering all points of view and mindfully standing up for yourself, you can learn to meet your needs while minimizing conflict and misunderstanding with others.