In this article I explore the different types of stalkers, the psychology behind stalking, and how to deal with potentially being stalked. This discussion is geared towards men who stalk women, as this is the most common type of stalking.
Stalking is a strange phenomenon that certainly isn’t limited to men, though it is a male-dominated playing field. Defined by the federal government as a course of conduct that puts a person in “reasonable fear of the death of, or serious bodily injury to that person” or someone close to them, stalking is not something that should be taken lightly. Though stalking may be typecast on television as being the “crazy ex,” it poses a real threat to women’s safety in particular. While some might point to the people being stalked and blame them for attracting unwanted attention, stalking reveals something wrong with the person partaking in the illegal activity. However, there are preventative steps you can take to recognize potential stalkers and lower your chances of falling prey to one of them. To do so, it is imperative to examine exactly why people stalk, as well as uncovering the demographics most likely to do so.
Psychology and Demographics
Stalking is experienced by both sexes, but more so by females, with statistics estimating 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men in the United States have experienced stalking in their lifetime. While some might conceptualize stalkers as strangers lurking in dark alleys, it is most common to be stalked by someone you already know. Approximately 66.2 percent of female stalking victims have been stalked by a former or current romantic partner, while the majority of men report being stalked by an intimate partner or acquaintance. The vast majority of stalking behavior for both sexes involves unwanted telephone calls and voice or text messages.
While almost all stalking victims inform someone of the situation, stalking is a vastly underreported crime, perhaps because it is difficult to prove, gather evidence for, or be taken seriously by law enforcement. However, that doesn’t mean stalking is something to be taken lightly. Stalking is directly correlated with different forms of violence in a relationship, including physical and sexual assault for women. Overall, the majority of stalkers are categorized as being unemployed or under-employed, in their late 30s to 40s, and high school and/or college graduates. They tend to be more intelligent than the average criminal, of any race or ethnicity, and are mostly males who are characterized as being lonely. But though this information might help with creating a stalker profile, it doesn’t speak on what makes a person stalk.
Just like rape is about power and not sex, stalking is targeted at inducing fear rather than spying on a person. The mind of a stalker is a twisted place, with the majority of stalking concerning men intimidating women. Unfortunately, stalkers are often the people you would least consider. They can put on a charming and kind appearance. Many cases of stalking arise after a relationship has been terminated, as most stalkers lack important and intimate relationships. This also includes family and friends, since stalkers tend to be isolated people who live alone. The stalker tends to focus their attention on a victim, who at times is just a passing acquaintance, and develop delusional and fixated thoughts about that person. This can develop into a worrisome pattern that hinders the privacy and safety of the person being stalked.
Identifying Individuals
Several different factors motivate stalkers, comprising of unique profiles that reveal different motivations and levels of risk. Different categories of stalkers include domestic stalkers, lust-driven stalkers, scorned lovers, celebrity stalkers, political stalkers, and murder for hire stalkers. Domestic stalking is the most common type of stalking, which can often lead to other parties being put at risk. While the stalker has a primary target in mind, bystanders can also be collateral damage of the obsession. The same can be said about scorned lovers who take their anger out on the targets, as well as close people in the victim’s life.
Stranger stalking is often motivated by a perverse combination of lust and violence, and often reveals serial behavior in the perpetrator. This kind of stalking is particularly dangerous, though it is important to remember that domestic stalking is also tied to domestic violence. Meanwhile, celebrities and politicians, unfortunately, tend to amass their fair share of stalkers, with public profiles creating easy breeding ground for targets. Additionally, in rare cases stalking can be done as a hired job to murder a specific target.
The different types of stalkers carry different motivations, with rejection, resentment, intimacy, incompetence, and predatory behaviors contributing to motivating factors. Though women should be on the lookout for any of these individuals, the most dangerous stalkers are the rejected and predatory ones. Rejected stalkers seek vindication and possible revenge for real or perceive relationship rejection, and are one of the more volatile groups of stalkers. Meanwhile, predatory stalkers are motivated by factors such as violence, control, and sexual gratification. These stalkers are likely the most dangerous, as they put time and attention into planning their attacks and concealing their actions. Predatory stalkers may also choose strangers as their victims.
On the other hand, resentful stalkers are the least likely to react with violence, as they fall on the self-pitying end of the spectrum and typically rely more on threats than action. An incompetent stalker also poses less of a threat, as this type of stalker is likely socially awkward and doesn’t adhere to normal social cues. This might explain their unusual and unhealthy behavior towards the victim. Lastly, an intimacy-based stalker acts off of delusions of love and romance and does not likely pose a clear threat. However, just because some stalkers aren’t as likely to cause harm, it doesn’t mean they should be underestimated or excused.
Preventing Falling Prey
In addition to the aforementioned motivating factors, stalkers can also be driven by revenge. A combination of powerful and consuming emotions often fuel stalkers, making then formidable opponents. However, stalking can and should be dealt with as victims are unequivocally deserving of their safety, privacy, and peace of mind. Many stalkers possess delusions, as well as mental disorders, meaning they can’t be reasoned with as you would with a normal person. To lessen your chance of falling prey to a stalker, it is important to be on the lookout for red flag warning signs early on when starting new relationships of any nature. These signs can be spotted among potential romantic partners, friends, coworkers, or even family.
If you start receiving a multitude of phone calls or emails directly after meeting someone, red flags should be raised. Attention may be appreciated, but if someone is controlling, clingy, overly needy, and demanding of your time too early in the relationship, your guard should immediately go up. Additionally, these patterns might take some time to establish themselves and should be noted at any point. However, making a sudden move to respond to the worrisome behavior with outright rejection is not the safest course of action, as it could ignite violence or retaliation. Consider the fragile ego of stalkers and be wary of triggering resentment and rejection in a potentially unstable individual, as this could make you the target of their obsession. However, this doesn’t mean you should tolerate their behavior.
If you have noticed warning signs, take action. Inform all of those close to you about what you suspect, including friends, family, and your employer. This will best guarantee for your safety and create a support system of people who can look out for you. You then need to gently but firmly let the person know you need to part ways with them. Do so in a setting where you feel safe and not isolated. Too forceful of a rejection can be damaging, but so can too gentle of a rejection. Be firm but polite to not leave room for a future hope of rekindling a relationship. Be clear in your intent without providing extra details and walk away before you can be manipulated into changing your mind.
If this does not end the interactions, then consider taking legal steps such as filing a police report or obtaining a restraining order. Take extra precautions such as changing your passwords and taking precautionary safety measures. Learn to be smart without compromising your sense of comfort or freedom. Unfortunately, since the police don’t always take stalking reports seriously, you may have to take safety measures into your hand, such as installing a security system or home cameras.
Final Thoughts
Being a woman is difficult. We are constantly faced with a bombardment of threats from males in particular. However, it is possible to reclaim your space. Though the majority of stalking is done by men, that doesn’t mean that only women are victims of stalking. Women can be stalkers as well, leaving no one immune to being stalked. Regardless of who you are, understand your rights if you are being stalked. Stalking is based on delusion and targeted at inducing fear in the victim. Do not allow anyone to threaten your peace of mind or remove the safety from your life. If a threat has been made to your physical safety, seek immediate help and protection. And if a threat is being made to your mental health, recognize the toxicity of the person’s actions and do not allow that person into your life. Stalking is not a form of love or admiration, but rather a complicated mental condition that robs someone of their space and rights. The people who truly care about you and deserve to be in your life will respect your boundaries.