In this article, I explore the Madonna-whore dichotomy and how it threatens a woman’s autonomy throughout both past and modern times. Note: This article focuses on heterosexual relationships and does not explore the topic of asexuality.
It’s no surprise that women and men are largely not perceived in the same light. While promiscuous men are lauded for their conquests, promiscuous women are often shamed for the same actions. However, there also exists a dichotomy within women that causes unnecessary shaming. The Madonna-whore dichotomy presents women as falling into one of two polar opposite categories, often under a male’s assertion. Either a woman is a chaste, virtuous, and caring maternal figure, or she is a wanton, lustful, shameful creature of temptation. These contrasting concepts often present foils in literary works, but unfortunately, this stereotyping also carries into how people in the real world are perceived and contrasted against each other. It’s time we examine how the inability of men to accept women as both maternal and sexual beings creates a long-stemming misogynistic history that is still threatening women today.
The Madonna-whore dichotomy naturally presents a highly reductive way of viewing women. With only two polarizing categories granted for women to fall into, even minor transgressions can dramatically alter the way a woman is viewed. It is suggested that this polarizing view of women stems from the desire to reinforce patriarchy and sexist attitudes against women. By shaming women for owning their sexuality, an attempt is made to pigeonhole women back into roles of traditional femininity. The inability for men to merge the duality of women as sexual and nurturing beings has been occurring for many decades, enforcing limited and harmful viewpoints. The danger of such a narrow conceptualization of women both threatens women’s autonomy and lowers the satisfaction of men in romantic relationships. Therefore, it is important to overcome this way of thinking to foster both equality of the sexes and more sustainable heterosexual relationships. This can be done by examining the mindset to understand its rooted anxieties.
The Madonna-whore dichotomy divulges a fear of women’s sexual power. This mindset is on full display in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, revealing an attitude that hasn’t vanished more than 100 years later. Published in 1897, the novel is rife with anxiety over the turn of the century and the changing role of women. As women became more liberated, independent, and autonomous, the vampire story in part represents the fear of sexually liberated women. The novel depicts Mina and Lucy as respectively falling into the Madonna-whore roles, with the conclusion of each woman’s journey enforcing patriarchal concepts of how a woman was expected to behave. The more open and lustful Lucy is transformed into a wanton vampire seeming as punishment for her sexual curiosity only to be phallically staked by her fiancee and restored to virtue in death. In contrast, Mina serves as a chaste, devoted, and loyal maternal figure who ultimately survives the novel’s twisted tale and settles down with her husband and has a son. Mina was rewarded for her maternal behavior, while Lucy was punished for her perceived wantonness. Though this example is over a century old and attached to a fictional story, it still represents how some people view women today.
The failure to merge female sexuality with traditionally feminine traits poisons modern dating. The Madonna-whore complex trains men to inherently not respect women who are open about or in control of their sexuality. Women who are open to sex early on in a relationship are not considered “marriage material,” and are simply thrown into the category of a “good time.” However, the same judgment is rarely passed on to men for their sexual tendencies. There is a reason why men tend to exaggerate their number of conquests while women divide the amount. A woman who owns her sexuality is crudely regarded as tainted, leaving women feeling shamed over their natural desires, whereas men are permitted from early on to celebrate them. Women become afraid to express their sexuality and face threats of oppression, violence, and persecution for acting on their desires. And while this mindset is more commonly exhibited by men, unfortunately, women help to enforce it as well by judging other women who are expressive of their sexuality.
Ultimately this toxic mindset leads to the questioning of how women are valued in society. Viewing women as either pure or sexual presents an enormously damaging and limited judgment. Under such ridged conceptualization, once a woman expresses any signs of sexuality, she has been utterly stripped of her virtue and tarnished from a maternal role. The inability to merge these two components of a woman demonizes sexual activity and forces women to conceal a part of their nature or risk judgment. Under this dichotomy, women are either viewed as deserving of respect or lust, but never both. To put it in the words of Freud, “Where such men love they have no desire and where they desire they cannot love.” Once again, such a mindset presents sexual obstacles in heterosexual relationships, as the male grapples between wanting to enjoy sexual pleasures and respecting his partner, at times making it easier to essentially have a separate mistress and wife. Stripping a woman of her sexual role after becoming a mother can create an identity crisis, as women feel forced to choose between the two aspects of being, which is an obstacle that fathers seldom have to face.
Furthermore, the idea of sexuality contrasting with purity places undue emphasis on a woman losing her virginity. With the Madonna-whore dichotomy comes the excessive praise of chastity. This leads to women and girls with sexual experience being labeled as “used.” Though this concept might seem heavily antiquated to some, the mindset persists to this day, especially among religious communities and groups. Enforcing the notion that a woman’s worth depends solely on her sex life causes women who have been raped and molested to experience intense shame over their already traumatic ordeals. It is an entirely repulsive notion for a woman to have to consider herself tainted because of the transgression of someone else. At the same time, women who choose to engage in sexual activities should unquestionably not be shamed for doing so. Forcing a woman to choose between being valued and enjoying her sexuality threatens the concept of a woman’s autonomy over her body.
It’s a sad fact that women were once valued heavily for their virginity, but it is truly absurd that in this day and age a women’s sexual history can still contribute to the way she is valued and viewed by others. In closing, women are capable of being both maternal and sexual and can possess both traits with aplomb. A woman’s sex life should under no circumstances affect the amount of respect she warrants from her partner or anyone else. It is entirely possible for a woman to request kinky and stereotypically demeaning sex in the bedroom but still be viewed as a respectable and worthy figure in society. Guess what? She can even be a mother at the same time. Demeaning and devaluing women for owning and expressing their sexuality reveals a barbaric attitude that contributes to female oppression. It is time we come to accept that women’s sexuality and maternal ability both exist within the same sphere. And if you can’t respect sexually liberated women, then you don’t deserve to be with a woman at all.