In this article, I candidly explore how to part with the past. Learn how to embrace a mindset for letting go, recognize when you are doing so, and cut out habits that are holding you back from being free.
A bleak reality of life is that the ending of many relationships is not mutual. Whether romantic, platonic, or professional, people end relationships all the time, sometimes with ample reason and sometimes with no clear reason at all. Fortunately, a reason does not have to be provided for us to let go of our connection to that person. Closure can certainly help, but it is not a necessity. This might sound like something you would read on an inspirational candle, but sometimes reading inspirational candles will prevent you from growing old and bitter. To truly let go and learn to detach from our connection to the past, we need to overcome the things that are leaving us rooted in it. Ready to explore if you’ve mastered the art of letting go?
When it comes to moving on, the first thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying to get the past back. People squander weeks and even years of their lives in an attempt to reclaim what they once had. Though sometimes we do obtain the object of our past desire, it is impossible to recreate the exact circumstances of what has once been. Therefore, we are simply losing time in the present in our bid to compensate for the time lost. Attempting to recreate the past is simply a recipe for disaster. For one, we tend not to view the past realistically. When we miss someone or something, we romanticize the person or circumstance and fade their flaws into the background. Therefore, the reality of what we long for will likely disappoint once obtained. But furthermore, we are constantly changing, and so is everyone and everything around us. The details of our past served us in those particular circumstances, but we will not be able to discover what can benefit us in our current life if we are not receptive to change. To move on, we must first let go. Attempting to do so without taking this step will lead to continual obstacles along the way.
A large part of letting go revolves not around understanding, but acceptance. Accept that things ended and circumstances changed even if you do not understand why they did. This is the most vital of the tips for letting go. Acceptance will allow you to understand that the relationships and plans you once held took a different direction than anticipated. Rather than try to force things to fit into your preconceived notion of how they should be, focus on being grateful for what you do have. Trying to control the unmanageable variables of life will leave you perpetually unsatisfied. Therefore, you cannot become fixated on obtaining outcomes that rely on other people. While it is healthy to have personal goals, you should avoid having expectations about how other people can or should be. A happy and free person is one who understands that nothing in life is guaranteed, no matter how much they work for it or wish for it. No amount of money, labor, or skill can obtain permanence in the world. This is simply a condition of life that is unyielding. So accept things as they come and learn how to be flexible.
Surrendering control doesn’t have to be tied to spirituality. It’s a rather pragmatic step to take. Though you might pride yourself on your persuasion skills, another reality is that you cannot control the way other people act. If someone wants to leave you, you have to let them. This might sound like giving up, but if a relationship has arrived at this point, then it is almost guaranteed that it is already over. There is a fine line between fighting for things we want and accepting that we cannot always have the things we desire, especially when that “thing” is a person. When it comes to people, it is virtually always the healthiest choice to accept a natural conclusion to a relationship rather than try to force it to continue. Loss can create a gaping chasm that we would do almost anything to mend, but we must accept that it is okay to feel pain. Allow yourself to experience and grieve a loss to either move past it or eventually discover a new way to live, depending on its severity. However, while we shouldn’t shy away from what we feel, it is also important to not allow our pain to become our identity in the grieving process. The key is to navigate how you can honor what was lost without losing yourself in the process.
Letting go will likely seem overwhelming at first, but doing so grows easier with practice. You need to be persistent with the process and not allow the temptation of the past to hinder your growth. While you are focusing on adopting the right mindset, you can be on the lookout for signs that you are letting go. One of the clearest indicators that you are moving on from the past is when you stop counting the time since the termination of what you missed. This means that you are easing into a new way of living that no longer feels foreign rather than obsessing over what you no longer have. Your new life should include not needing to avoid the places or things that reminded you of the past because they do not bear the same emotional significance anymore. Rather than follow the mantra “time heals all,” understand that you will have to make changes to facilitate healing. If you refuse to allow yourself to be stuck in the past, eventually you will lose curiosity in the person or things you once missed. Ultimately, a sign that you have fully moved on from a person is when you reach the point of being able to be truly happy for the other person. Honestly moving on means you can wish the best for someone while fully accepting that their life will no longer include you.
When it comes to moving on, this does not mean erasing the past. Our pasts made each one of us exactly who we are today, but we need not dwell in the circumstances of becoming that person. We can instead carry the skills and scars we learned with us as we navigate our current lives and strive for what we seek. In the words of author Steve Maraboli, “Letting go means to realize that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.” With that being said, a final tip for letting go is embracing forgiveness. To part with our pain, many times we must learn to accept an apology that we have not received. That means putting to rest situations and people that haunt us to hang up our ghosts and move on with discovering the people we are capable of being. At the end of the day, don’t devote yourself to chasing lost time when a new life awaits.