In this article, I explore the concept of “future faking” and how narcissistic personalities can employ this toxic mindset to manipulate others.
Narcissistic personalities can be dangerous to contend with, especially for those who are not able to advocate for themselves. One aspect of narcissistic personality manipulation that I have not discussed is how narcissists can manipulate your future expectations to ply you into staying with them. Perhaps you’ve finally built up the resistance to leave a bad relationship, only to be hit with the line I was going to marry you. Or maybe you chose to walk away from a toxic work environment only to be told that you were about to get a raise. In both scenarios, you now find yourself questioning if you made the right choice, or if you just made the biggest mistake of your life and prematurely imploded your future. The good news is that you did both the healthy and correct thing, as you’re likely facing future faking.
Future faking manipulates victims of narcissists, as the narcissistic personality employs future faking to cause a person to doubt his or her decisions. Since narcissistic personalities are known to be both highly manipulative and charming when they need to be, this is a tool they won’t shy away from using. Future faking involves lying to a person or giving them a false promise about the future to obtain what is desired in the present. It causes the victim to betray their gut reaction and comply with the narcissistic personality, only to never receive what was promised. Future faking feeds off of a person’s wants, needs, dreams, goals, and expectations, preying on what is most important to a person to procure something for the narcissist. Other forms of abuse that often coincide with future faking include coercive control and passive abuse, which work together to create a compliant person who is the perfect prey for narcissistic manipulators.
While domestic and physical abuse is more widely known, coercive control is another form of abuse that exists in relationships in less overt ways. This strategic form of abuse instills fear in the victim through continual oppression, such as cutting them off from their finances or support system. Coercive control involves isolation from others, constant monitoring, restricted freedoms, gaslighting, name-calling, controlling behavior, and similar actions that restrict a person’s autonomy. Likewise, passive abuse employs less obvious but equally damaging forms of control to get a person to comply. Like future faking, these examples of abuse manipulate people into doing what the narcissistic personality wants to allow that person to get his or her way regardless of their victim’s feelings or needs.
Future faking is something to familiarize yourself with to avoid being manipulated and disappointed. When entering into new relationships, it’s crucial to avoid being blinded by new emotions. If something seems too good to be true, then there is a good chance it is. That is not to say that there aren’t genuinely amazing people out there, but one should always be wary of things seeming too perfect. If someone sweeps you off your feet and fills your head with big promises but fails to meet any of them over time, then red flags should go up. Lofty dreams can seem picturesque and fill you with hope, leaving many feeling that they are in too deep when signs of future faking start to materialize. Don’t allow yourself to be put in a position of shock and disappointment by protecting yourself from the start. Remember that narcissists are skilled at deception and manipulation, so you need to trust your gut and fortify yourself against being too malleable and gullible.
Narcissistic personalities will do whatever they can to obtain what they want. They are primarily motivated by their own needs and concerns and will deceive, manipulate, and screw over anyone who comes between them and what they desire. Future faking not only manipulates a person into complying with the narcissist, but it also causes the person to doubt themselves. Since future faking preys on people’s deepest desires, it can often be devastating to discover the falsity behind the promises. Betraying your needs for a lie and having trust broken wounds people going forward, casting a shadow on their future relationships. Abuse in relationships has future impacts and ramifications that are hard to trace and can have lasting results on self-image and the ability to be open and trust in relationships. The effects of future faking include self-erasure, hopelessness, helplessness, feelings of loss, and cognitive dissonance.
The best advice to be offered about this topic is a quote from Maya Angelou. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Rather than allow yourself to be blinded by false promises, trust your gut, and recognize when something is too good to be true. Likewise, never allow false promises to lure you back into a bad situation. Recognize your worth, and don’t fall for other people’s lies.
Suggested Reading: How to Avoid Being Gaslighted