Here I explore different areas of sexual acceptance. Interested in discovering a television show that accurately depicts sexual discovery? Check out my article about Sex Education. 

Sexuality is a topic that isn’t often honestly explored, even in a time that claims to be so progressive. While many have adjusted their mindsets to increase understanding and acceptance, there are still topics unjustly branded taboo.

Misplaced taboos cause people to feel underrepresented and marginalized. By becoming more comfortable with ourselves, our desires, and our bodies, we can hopefully become more accepting of those around us to create a society where people feel secure being themselves in their relationships.

Two Damaging Sides: Shame & Fetishization

While some people are ashamed of their sexuality and cannot express it, other people will boast about their sex life to anyone who will listen. It’s critical to be comfortable with yourself and proud of who you are, but people need to avoid having their sex life become their identity. To normalize sexuality, many things should stop being labeled taboo or scandalous.

If we as a society were able to regard different sexualities, relationships, and sex acts as commonplace rather than sensationalistic, then we could remove danger and stigma from them. Of course, some sexual preferences should never be normalized, such as pedophilia or anything lacking full consent. However, harmless sexual fetishes and preferences don’t need to be frowned upon, discouraged, or judged. As long as all parties can give consent and be safe, then it shouldn’t concern people what other people do in the bedroom.

While people should feel comfortable exploring their non-dangerous fetishes, it’s critical to not fetishize or misunderstand aspects of other people’s sexuality. For example, lesbians are often fetishized, as straight men drum up fantasies of “converting” them and pine after being the one man to give a lesbian “what she really needs.” Such a mindset leads to an accelerated rate of sexual violence against lesbians, in addition to them being sexually fetishized.

The bottom line: What two (or more) women choose to do with their bodies in private does not occur to satiate the male gaze.

Commonly Misunderstood Sexuality & Sexual Expression

Furthermore, one area of misunderstood sexuality is bisexuality. People wrongly assume that all bisexuals are sexually promiscuous and prone to infidelity because there are more available people for them to be attracted to. In some cases of a man dating a bisexual woman, the man does not feel threatened by the woman hooking up with same-sex partners. This is a glaring red flag, as it shows the man either fetishizes his partner’s sexuality or invalidates it, as he does not view another woman as an equal threat.

However, when it comes to what constitutes infidelity, it is specific to each personal relationship. Some relationships define cheating as kissing another person, while other couples allow their partner to have sexual relationships with other people as long as they are communicative about it. Some couples watch their partner have sex with someone else, while others want to hear about their partner’s sexual escapades. Other relationships involve more than one person, such as throuples and polyamory. The key elements to the success of these relationships are consent and communication.

All members of the relationship need to be on the same page, and they need to be open and honest about their wants, comforts, and limitations. For example, BDSM relationships are often misunderstood. While elements of control and violence do and can exist within these relationships, they are contingent on having defined limits and safewords. BDSM relationships do not involve dominance without limitation; in fact, that goes against the concept entirely.

If someone is interested in exploring a different type of relationship, they must communicate with their partner. It’s acceptable to introduce the possibility of a new kink or experience, but the other person has to be fully willing to experience it. For example, while one person can pressure their partner into having a threesome, the relationship will likely fail if that person is only agreeing to please their partner and not because it’s something they want.

You can’t force people to change their preferences. In some cases, two people can truly love each other, but if they’re not sexually compatible, then the relationship might have to end. Sex isn’t everything, but it is an important element to a healthy relationship unless, of course, both partners are asexual. While asexual people don’t desire sex, many still want relationships. Many people misunderstand this reality and don’t realize there are different types of closeness and relationships people can have.

Communication, Consent, & Knowing Yourself

At the same time, it’s paramount that we understand our bodies, our wants, and our desires. Don’t be afraid to know, explore, and accept your body. Show your partner what gives you pleasure and be vocal about having your needs met. Your orgasm is your responsibility. How can you expect your partner to please you if you don’t know how to please yourself?

Furthermore, it’s necessary to bring these honest and open discussions to other areas of your life. Normalize discussing sex honestly and accurately with your friends. Talk about the embarrassing and gross parts. Be honest about your fears and reservations. Sex isn’t always hot, and it’s not always easy. Not everyone craves it all the time, and many people have fears and questions about it.

Make it normal to discuss the less glamorous side of sex so that people don’t have to feel shame. That doesn’t mean that everyone has to share their innermost sexual dialogue with their friends or even their partners. But people can learn to be more accepting of those around them by normalizing such discussions.

There shouldn’t be any shame in exploring who we are and what we desire. Once you forgo labels and release yourself from the constraints of societal norms, you will feel an enormous amount of freedom and empowerment. At the same time, you don’t have to broadcast your sex life. What you choose to disclose or keep personal is entirely up to you.

Never feel pressure to conform to a way of life or fake a preference because it seems like the thing to do. Know who you are and what you want, and accept who other people are without judging them or attempting to shame or change them. This will help you find and develop healthy, compatible, and long-lasting relationships.