This post explores male sexual assault, specifically why society and the media don’t take it as seriously as female sexual assault. Please note, this may be triggering for some readers. This article also contains Bridgerton spoilers.
Bridgerton has exploded in popularity on Netflix despite depicting a controversial and entirely overlooked rape scene. The romance program explores the Regency era in England and is billed as a light romantic show that has been binge-watched by many viewers. Though several articles have labeled a scene involving the white female protagonist violating her black husband by forcing him to ejaculate inside of her despite his protests for her to get off of him as rape, the show fails to address this critical moment. Nor does it acknowledge the seriousness of what occurred.
For the sake of a period piece drama, audiences are expected to ignore the male sexual assault that took place on the screen in Bridgerton. Even more abhorrent is how the rapist portrays herself as a victim following the assault because she wanted a child and discovered that her husband is not sterile but doesn’t want to have one. Therefore she felt justified in forcing a possible conception. The show portrayed a blatant rape scene depicting a woman robbing a man of his choice and agency but refused to label her an attacker. Why didn’t it address what truly happened? Why is male sexual assault often swept under the rug?
The “Me Too” era has hailed a much-needed reckoning for male sexual predators. However, a time that empowers female victims should also recognize that males are assaulted as well, and it is even harder for them to come forward about it in some cases due to societal standards and people’s failure to believe male victims. Sexual assault is a devastating experience regardless of gender or sex. Just because it is shockingly common doesn’t lessen the impact and severity of the trauma.
While it is in no way easy for a female sexual assault victim to come forward, it is often even harder for male victims to speak up about their violation. One of the reasons is because many people, even victims, don’t recognize male assault as rape. Take the Bridgerton scene, for example. If the scene had been reversed and the male held the female down, refused to let her escape, and ejaculated inside of her to impregnate her against her will, audiences would have been in an uproar about sexual assault. Yet for some reason, people are quick to come up with excuses when the female is the rapist and the male is the assault victim.
People are quick to excuse male rape. They will claim that a male was erect during the assault, which means he wanted it. Another common excuse is that a male could have physically fought off his attacker. These are ignorant victim-blaming statements. Sexual arousal can happen during assault for many reasons, including a biological response. Whether or not a victim was aroused during an assault is irrelevant. If someone says no or does not give consent, then they are being assaulted. Consent can be revoked at any time during an encounter, including during the act. Therefore, someone can initiate sex and then ask their partner to stop. If their partner doesn’t stop, then they are committing rape.
Being raped is an experience that causes people to react differently. Some people are numb and in shock and therefore can’t fight their attacker. People can be raped regardless of strength, size, gender identity, or sexual identity. Unfortunately, this isn’t a widely accepted truth. Sadly, many men and women are not able to recognize what is happening to them as rape. People have been trained to blame themselves and are often afraid to come forward due to fear and shame.
Male sexual assault victims, in particular, often experience shame after being assaulted, which can also be accompanied by confusion of sexual identity if they were raped by someone of the same sex but do not identify as homosexual. Men are trained to feel like “less of a man” for being violated by someone and not fighting back. Furthermore, society depicts men as always wanting sex and reinforces the idea that men should be lucky to have been laid. These abhorrent ideas create a society when men, especially men of color, live in shame and fear and do not feel like they will have support if they come forward about their sexual assaults.
Male sexual assault is real, and it is devastating. We need to listen to male victims of assault and not assign blame to them and respond with victim-shaming or blaming statements. Rape is rape. It happens if a person does not give consent or revokes consent during an experience. There is no idea of who is a rape victim. Rapists need to be held accountable for their actions, and we have to create a safe and supportive society where male victims can come forward on their own terms and receive help, compassion, understanding, and safety.
Related: Sexual Assault Information For Men
Related: Sexual Assault of Men and Boys (RAINN resources)