In honor of International Women’s Day on March 8, I explore why being a “pick me girl” is negative for sisterhood. Note: the term woman refers to anyone who identifies as female.
By 2021 many females have realized that “you’re not like other girls” is far from a compliment. In fact, it’s frequently a red flag. Why wouldn’t you want to be like “other girls” when there are so many amazing women out there? People try to elevate themselves above others by emphasizing what makes them quirky and unique at the expense of belonging to a shared group. While individual forms of expression are critical, so are relations with others. “Pick me girls” do themselves and womanhood a gross injustice by thinking they have something other women don’t. Unfortunately, their negative beliefs can be damaging to fellow females.
A “pick me girl” refers to females who try to distinguish themselves from other women. They might be one of the girls who only have guy friends or someone who just doesn’t get along well with other women. These women aim to subvert traditional ideas of femininity to elevate themselves above other females. The term has developed an overwhelmingly negative connotation because these types of people are desperate for male attention and approval. They often seek male acceptance at the expense of putting other women down. Even more frustrating is the fact that these types of women often fail to acknowledge their agenda.
Women need to be supporters of each other. The pick me mentality is in direct opposition to ideas of sisterhood. Pick me girls crave acceptance at the expense of other females and their relationships and rights. These types of women can jeopardize other women’s safety and credibility. For example, they are more likely to say things such as “women are so dramatic” or “women lie.” Enforcing such beliefs can lead to them discrediting rape and domestic violence victims as they work hard to be one of the guys and fit in with males. These types of women do not look out for other females and do not advocate for the women around them.
Pick me women are also toxic because they are quick to criticize women but don’t exert the same energy towards men. They are more apt to excuse and defend problematic male behavior while they work to tear down other women. These kinds of women are passive about women’s progression and don’t challenge others on sexist or misogynistic behavior. Another offensive aspect of their mentality is their tendency to “slut-shame” women who express their sexuality or even just exist in their bodies. Hypocritically, they allow men to express their sexuality without judgment.
Women should be each other’s biggest allies. Yet, it is often women who are most cruel to each other. Pick me girls set back women’s progression by attempting to tear down others for personal gain and acceptance. While this behavior is offensive, it is also rather pitiful. Women should not view other women as their competition or a direct threat. It’s paramount to be on each other’s side. That means gassing fellow women up and celebrating their beauty and successes rather than being envious or resentful. If you have developed a “pick me” mentality, then it’s time to reconsider your priorities and goals.