In this post, I candidly discuss the difference between posting sad things online for attention and sharing unhappy feelings for more beneficial reasons. 

Picture this: you’re in the hospital trying to get a diagnosis for your chronic pain. You flip through your phone and see countless photos of people living their lives, happy and carefree. You, too, have shared such photos that don’t represent your full reality. Maybe it would help to show your true self so that other people who are feeling the same way can realize that their predicament is not so isolating. The world keeps turning, but there are people out there who understand. However, how does one share their reality without being accused of asking for attention? How do we relay our truths without coming across as cringe-worthy and hungry for sympathy? Is honestly helpful, or is it self-indulgent?

There is a fine line between honesty and over-sharing, a line that many people aren’t skilled at treading since there is overlap. People inwardly cringe when they see crying selfies captioned with mawkish lyrics from heartbroken pop songs. But is it not also cringe-worthy to be posting photos that are Facetuned and Snapchat-filtered beyond recognition? An increasing number of people are getting fed up with seeing warped viewers of reality, which has raised the desire to view people in their entirety, “flaws” and all. However, people undeniably also shy away from grief, which means that there is a line that people don’t want others to cross when it comes to being honest. People crave empowering honesty, not self-pitying updates.

Sadness is like an all-absorbent sponge; people don’t want to tread too closely to it for fear of getting sucked into its porous folds. That’s why grief and trauma can be such isolating experiences. Many people are allergic to mourning, even though it’s an essential part of healing. And to fully heal, it is also important to build networks. However, building support networks requires finding people who have gone through similar experiences. How can we find other people with similar understandings if we are not honest about our experiences? Is it wrong to share our sorrows online to try and connect with others?

It’s essential to note that there is a distinction between being honest about your life and “sadfishing,” which refers to people exaggerating their negative emotions to gain sympathy. Rather than share problems genuinely, people are now publically exaggerating issues to garner likes, attention, follows, and pity. In the age of Instagram and TikTok, sadfishing has become a rather alarming trend among youth and adults alike. Rather than mourn the loss of one’s grandmother, kids are now posting short clips saying one like equals one prayer for their departed relative. Such absurd displays almost makes one wish to censor self-expression.

Overly emotional and dramatic posts are often written off as attention-seeking behavior that is worthy of ridicule, but it’s important to note that not all excessive displays of emotion are someone fishing for sympathy. Some people have the gift of being emotionally well-adjusted and able to articulate their feelings and needs clearly and concisely. However, many people lack this skill. Sometimes people don’t know how to process their feelings, which can lead to them over-sharing online or in-person. When this behavior excessively occurs, it can be easy to ignore it, but genuine cries for help mustn’t be buried under melodramatic misgivings. Pain can simply be a challenging thing to express. Fishing for sympathy detracts from actual problems, though it should be encouraged that people stop repressing their emotions for fear of ruining their perfect online images.

Does everything have to be shared online? Of course not. But the reality of the world is that many people are building connections online. And there’s nothing wrong with that. What can be even more damaging than overly-sharing one’s feelings is constantly burying emotions. Therefore, there is no reason why your social media presence only has to reflect the highlight reels of your life. It doesn’t matter if this is what social media was intended for; you have the opportunity to stop glossing over everything ugly and pretending your existence is flaw-free. You also have the right to protect your reality if you don’t want to share it with the world. That’s the beauty of the internet.

Let’s circle back to the original question. Is it okay to share this sad message? Well, consider why you’re sharing it. Do you want pity? Do you need attention? Are you fishing for likes? Do you want to share something close to your heart? Do you want to connect with other people? Can you handle backlash? Will being ignored crush you? Often it’s best to consider your intent from a calm place. It’s important not to overshare or act rashly in moments of intense emotion. If you are feeling overwhelmingly sad, scared, or angry, draft your post and wait until morning. You also should never feel pressured to share your reality if you don’t want to.

There is bravery in living your truth and embracing yourself in your entirety, but you are under no obligation to put yourself out there for the world to judge. The more vulnerable we are with others, the more opportunity we allow them to take advantage of us. Therefore, it is helpful to measure your vulnerability with the right audience. A good takeaway is to never be ashamed to live your truth and share your reality. However, remember that a bit of discretion is often advised.