This post explores how grieving can make people feel like they are going crazy, although it is a necessary process for healing.
Are humans equipped to deal with grief? Since suffering is a guaranteed component of life, the answer might seem like an obvious yes. However, those who are in the depths of grieving might not readily agree with this assessment. Some people believe that life doesn’t deal people with more pain than they can cope with, but in the face of a meaningless universe in which things don’t happen for a reason, it’s impossible to believe that trauma has a capacity. There is, unfortunately, no limit to how much pain one can feel. This can oftentimes overburden the body and mind and make grief feel akin to madness. Let’s explore the place between losing one’s mind and coming to terms with an insurmountable pain.
Most people are allergic to grieving. People shy away from grief as though it is a palpable disease that they can catch, though grievers are often drawn together by their shared pain. The reason why people who aren’t experiencing grief are quick to avoid it is that grief is a powerful emotion. By definition, trauma overwhelms one’s capacity to cope. Though it is not rare in occurrence, trauma is remarkable in how much impact it has on the body and mind. Therefore, it’s no surprise that grieving a traumatic event or a painful loss is a cumbersome and maddening process that might make one question their grasp on reality.
In short, grief can seriously fuck with the functionality of both the mind and body. It is not uncommon to experience concentration difficulties, memory lapses, memory gaps, and cognitive issues when dealing with a traumatic event. Because trauma overwhelms the body in extreme ways, the body can often respond with its own fierce methods for self-protection. Though this can cause mourners to feel as though they are losing their minds, grief is normal. In fact, it is more than normal; grief is an essential step in overcoming any loss.
Grieving is not easy, nor is it enjoyable. However, it can be cathartic, and it is essential for healing. It is natural to want to avoid negative emotions, but suppressing grief will lead to it reemerging down the line. Trauma breaks the body, but it operates like a broken home. Constantly plastering a crack will lead to temporary relief, but down the line, you might be hit with serious foundation damage that could require ample repairs. Likewise, ignoring an issue will only provide temporary relief that will likely cause extensive pain when you are finally forced to confront the issue, and unfortunately, extensive pain does not disappear without a confrontation. Therefore, it’s best to start the grieving process as soon as possible.
How do we begin the process of grieving without losing our grasp on reality? Many people turn to mental health professionals or a trusted support system to come to terms with extreme loss. However, the relationship you have with yourself is most significant to the healing process. Normalize what you are feeling. Whether your grief is delayed, your pain is overwhelming, or you realize that you aren’t as affected by something as you thought you would be, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Don’t compare your response to that of others or to what you imagined it would be. Experience your grief the way you need to.
Does grieving ever end? The answer is both yes and no. Insurmountable losses don’t disappear. However, there becomes a before and an after. It might sound crushing to hear that you cannot regain the life that you had before the trauma, but life does not allow us to live in the past. Instead, you must have the strength and the courage to build a new life in the wake of loss. Before you begin this process, it is necessary to process your feelings. You might live with your loss forever, but it can relax into a dull throb rather than a full-body spasm. Processing loss is the only way forward even if it tests our grasp on reality.