In honor of International No Diet Day (May 6), I’m taking the chance to explore our society’s relationship with food.

If you search for “holidays,” you’ll likely be surprised to find the abundance of daily observances ranging from “Kiss a Ginger Day” (January 12) to “World Naked Gardening Day” (May 4). But “International No Diet Day” on May 6 is one of those days that I am actually keen on observing. Alerted by the observance thanks to the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA), I was pleased that a celebratory meal with my mother, my good friend, her mother, and another close friend ended up falling on May 6 this year. Ten years ago, an invite to dinner would have flooded me with panic. Not even just an invite to dinner, but a surprise pizza day at school or a simple group hang at Qdoba after school was enough to send me into full blown anxiety. When my eating disorder was at its height, I was petrified of eating any quantity of food in front of anyone. I couldn’t even nibble on a granola bar at school or order food over the phone for someone. Every aspect about food consumption terrified me, and the thoughts of my fear still vividly reside in me.

But now a decade later, a full 13 years after my eating disorder commenced, and several years deep into what can tentatively be referred to a stable relationship with food, those thoughts are just memories. Though I am still keenly aware of all that I eat, it is now because of how much I appreciate it. The ability to walk up to a counter or pull into a drive thru and order what I want still amazes me. When people bring in unexpected treats, I marvel at my ability to enjoy them. Most of all, I appreciate the sheer, simply beauty of being able to accept invitations to lunches and dinners. Plus I don’t just accept these invitations— I look forward to them and the opportunity to try new foods and excite my senses. And even more importantly, I no longer have to damage and even lose friendships because of my inability to consume food around others. Being unable to eat food around others (or in general) and my shame over admitting this to my friends has cost me so many opportunities and relationships in my life. Turning down dates, birthday celebrations, dinner parties, and even just casual meal invites made others think of me as rude and standoffish, causing irreparable harm to our relationships. When you take the time to think about it, food plays a major role in dictating our social lives and celebrations. Food rituals even factor into the way we mourn.

That’s why No Diet Day is so important. It gives us the freedom to enjoy food or even just allow it. For those of us who live in areas of the world where we have both easy access to food and the means to afford it, this luxury should be embraced freely. But it’s not. In fact, when we indulge in something that doesn’t fall within our narrow-minded concept of healthy food, we often think of ourselves as “bad.” I was so bad today! I ate a donut at work. And then when we skip a burger for a salad, we brag about it to others as though it’s some kind of outstanding achievement. I was so good today! I didn’t even pick at my friend’s fries. This kind of black and white language about food has become so normalized that we don’t realize just how damaging it is.

What is with our obsession with guilt? Why are we trained to feel bad about practically everything that we do that brings us pleasure? Sure, you should feel guilty if you have an Alex DeLarge sense of fun. But why should we be considered morally deficient if we have consensual sexual relations with fellow adults? Why should we feel lazy if we take some time off of work to have a staycation? (The only thing you should feel guilty about is using the term “staycation.” 😉) And why, why, why should we hate ourself for eating sugar and white carbohydrates every once in a while?

Sometimes I feel like the dominating vocabulary has programmed us to hate ourselves. And while eating disorders are certainly not a problem that is only unique to Americans, I do feel like Americans are extremely guilty of perpetrating a culture that fosters them. And this culture not only surrounds us, it pervades our lives and constantly bombards us with damaging messages. All you have to do is scroll through the Instagram food section, and you’ll be inundated with thousands of posts and videos telling you what to eat and what not to eat. Don’t eat that, eat this! Are you craving a slice of pizza? Instead, melt some fat-free mozzarella on top of a rice cake! Bam, diet hack! I disagree with such a mindset. Unless you are extremely overweight and have such compromised health that you really shouldn’t deviate from a strict diet, it’s perfectly alright to allow yourself a slice of pizza if you are craving a slice of pizza. Because guess what? A rice cake “pizza” is not going to satiate your pizza cravings. And if you limit yourself to just one slice of pizza and a side salad, you can kick the cravings so you don’t end up calling Dominos at midnight.

I would say decide what you want, to either live long or to enjoy every aspect of life, but there are many inherent problems about this statement. For one, it’s almost impossible to live a hedonistic lifestyle without consequences for others. And to be honest, that’s really not fair. If you want to eat yourself to death, eat yourself to death, but don’t do it on the taxpayer’s dime. Why should some hard-working, health-conscious average American have to pay for your cardiac arrest bills because you couldn’t stop over-indulging? There’s a reason why 1 in 4 Americans die from heart disease, and it is entirely preventable. Yet, there is more than one fallacy in my original statement. Living healthy unfortunately does not guarantee a long life. Sadly, nothing does. Do you really want to deny yourself every worldly pleasure when we’re all destined for the same unpredictable ending anyway? When you die, do you truly think you’re going to get a pat on the back for inhaling essential oils when you felt the tugging need to eat something unhealthy?

Clearly there are faults to be found in both restriction and hedonism, so now we are arriving at a conclusion that hopefully won’t be shocking. Having a healthy and enjoyable life requires balance. Yes, balance really is the key to living well. If you want to eat a slice of white bread, eat a slice of white bread. It doesn’t mean you’re “bad,” and it doesn’t mean you have to feel guilt. Honestly, with all the possibilities for thoughts floating around your head, do you really want to waste any energy feeling guilty over a slice of bread? I know this is easier said than done. I have broken down and cried because I realized that a diet iced tea I had already drank was actually 15 calories instead of 0. But this also makes me a pretty strong authority on the dangers of devoting all of your energy to food.

If you don’t have an eating disorder and you simply suffer from a strange relationship with food, please correct your habits and mindset before you develop one. And be conscious of how the way you discuss food can affect others, especially young girls. Eating a hamburger does not make you a bad person. Trust me, forgiving yourself over what you eat before you allow yourself to develop a food obsession is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. An eating disorder will consume you, and even when you’re “better,” a tiny part of it will always live inside of you. I think about mine every day, but the important part is that I don’t think about it every moment of the day. Now that I have been to hell and back, never again —not even for a single bite— will I take food for granted. I understand just how much my fear of it has cost me, and I am still filled with wonder at every mouthful of sustenance I am able to enjoy.

So rather than tell all your friends about how you’re going to get your “summer body,” why don’t you discuss how delicious that chocolate molten lava cake you split before hitting the gym was? Or better yet, talk about your day, your job, your family, something that matters to you. Here is a seemingly simple but actually incredibly challenging task. Give yourself permission to be. Eat the cake to be happy. Hit the gym to be healthy. Have a salad tomorrow to feel good. If you need to make a change for your health, make that change. But don’t allow food to control your life. Don’t feel guilt over what you eat. There are so many more substantial things you can devote your energy to. Don’t give food the power.