Why do we have understanding for everyone but people we label as being narcissistic? This post explores what narcissism is, including narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder.

In 2022, people appear to have a wealth of understanding for many mental health issues, yet several conditions continue to be stigmatized. Media and even medical fields continue to stigmatize people who have conditions including schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder. The third disorder is the topic of today’s discussion, as labeling someone a “narcissist” appears to be the latest overused yet poorly misunderstood keyword since “gaslight” and “toxic” became trendy. What is narcissism and why do people deem it so evil?

What Exactly Is Narcissism? 

Firstly, it’s important to distinguish between narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder, as these two terms often are incorrectly used interchangeably. Psych Central defines narcissism as being a spectrum that people fall on, in which they believe they are superior to others and will often prioritize their own needs, perhaps at the expense of other people. These thoughts, behaviors, and tendencies can be situational or more prevalent but can be kept in line with accountability, awareness, and establishing balanced relationships. For example, someone may have a slight superiority complex due to being raised in a wealthy environment as an only child. This can cause them to periodically feel superior to others in select situations. However, they can evolve and realize that their needs aren’t more important than the needs of those around them, so they pay extra attention to be fair and considerate in their relationships with others. 

Can Narcissism Be Healthy?

Narcissism, or a strong sense of self-importance, can be minor. It does not have to represent the “evil” keyword that people love throwing out online, nor is it inherently bad for the sake of categorizing things into black and white. That’s correct- narcissism can be healthy. Many people exhibit some degree of narcissism in their personalities, though it might only flare up in some situations. Narcissism can be tied to positive attributes, such as a favorable sense of self and high self-esteem. This isn’t a One Direction song from 2011. You’re allowed to know you’re beautiful, and you’re allowed to publicly acknowledge that and even take pride in it. People who have some degree of narcissism are more likely to be confident and social in their lives. What’s wrong with that? 

Then Why Do People Call Narcissism Evil?

So narcissism can be healthy. It is also relatively normal to have to a small degree. However, it is when the spectrum swings and people have too many narcissistic tendencies that things can become damaging and even dangerous. When narcissism becomes pathological, it can become detrimental to relationships. Narcissistic people might be charming and manipulative to get their way, or they might come across as entitled, self-obsessed, and addicted to admiration. These traits might seem immediately obvious or become clearer over time depending on how prominent they are and how well the person can conceal them. Naturally, narcissist tendencies can also fall in the middle of the spectrum.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? 

Here is the part that often is misunderstood, as narcissistic personality disorder is more than just being narcissistic. It is when narcissism is a clinical diagnosis and involves narcissism interfering with multiple areas of someone’s life. People with narcissistic personality disorder, which is an actual diagnosis and not something someone on TikTok should label you with having, meet defined medical criteria. They might have a shocking lack of empathy. They can be extremely shallow, full of jealousy, and lacking remorse. They will likely seek attention and have little regard for serving any causes outside of themselves or things that directly benefit themselves. People with this disorder are not known for being tuned into how other people feel. They are often very competitive and are obsessed with their own thoughts of power, success, and gaining admiration. 

Are Narcissistic People Dangerous?

As you can probably gather, someone with narcissistic personality disorder can be quite unpleasant to deal with. These people require a lot of energy, as they always want to be the center of attention. They can also become manipulative and competitive when other people around them excel, which could cause them to lash out. However, people can receive this diagnosis and rewire the way their brains work and respond with the help of therapy. This can greatly benefit both the person with the disorder and the people they form relationships with.

It’s also important to not confuse traits of narcissism with the disorder of narcissism. Personality traits are an ingrained part of who someone is, while narcissistic traits can be considered more of a passing thought. However, receiving a narcissistic personality diagnosis isn’t the end of the world. It is a health challenge, just as receiving any other diagnosis of an illness would be. It doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t be held accountable for your actions. But it also doesn’t mean that you can’t learn better habits, reactions, and responses. So, yes, people with this disorder can be dangerous, but they don’t have to be.

The Bottom Line About Narcissism

At the end of the day, narcissism is like many other things in life. It is good in moderation. There is nothing wrong with knowing one’s value and taking pride in it. The truth is that all people aren’t made equal. Some are prettier, smarter, richer, etc. People can appreciate things about themselves, however, without thinking they are more deserving than other people. This is when things become dangerous. People with borderline personality disorder should also be extremely careful about forming relationships with people with a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. (More about that another time.)  

All people aren’t made equal, but all people deserve equal rights. At the same time, people with mental health disorders also deserve equal rights- as do victims of people with mental health disorders. I guess when it boils down to it, I consider it absurd and offensive to categorize an entire group of people “evil” based on a medical diagnosis. Nor do I think it’s accurate to label everyone who is a bad friend or partner “narcissistic.” However, there are some people with narcissistic personality disorders who can be very dangerous, especially to vulnerable people who are easily subjected to outside influence. Therefore, it’s important to be mindful of who you interact with, but also of what stigmas you reinforce.

Continued Reading: Contending With High Conflict Personalities