This post explores the nature of people who blame other circumstances for their misfortunes rather than taking responsibility, including externalization and projection. It also offers actionable insights for changing this behavior.

Let’s say you cheated on your partner: is your immediate thought, that is such a Gemini thing to do, or do you instead realize, I should recheck my moral code. In the first scenario, you are blaming forces outside of your control to deflect the burden of your actions; however, the second option shows ownership of the situation. Is this significant? I’d say so, as many people choose to project their feelings and assign blame to other explanations rather than accept responsibility.

Projection is something that many people might be guilty of but to vastly varying degrees. If it has become a habit, it’s time to reverse it due to the effects it has on others. The following post explores the nature of projection and how factors such as deflection, blame, and aggression can negatively impact people.

Let’s Look At Externalization & Projection

I once took an exam with a room full of people. Half of us passed. One of the people who failed blamed the exam moderator for her not passing. She said that he looked at her too often and made her nervous. However, I knew full well that she spent most nights playing video games rather than studying. As she verbalized her scorn towards the exam moderator, I considered how if she had taken ownership of her situation, she could have studied more and tried again.

Some people in life take ownership, and others don’t. For many, it is a mix. But this mix can quickly sour. Externalization, as defined by the Cambridge Dictionary, occurs when feelings (especially bad feelings) are expressed. Externalizing behavior is that which is directed outward. In psychoanalytic terms, externalization involves projecting one’s inner state to the world. People who externalize often have difficulty controlling and regulating their emotions.

Now let’s talk projection. This involves displacing one’s feelings onto a different person or thing. People who project will take how they really feel about themselves and deflect it to a situation. Perhaps they will feel dissatisfied with their lives and unaccomplished with their goals, but they will instead lash out and brand others as pathetic. So, when you combine these terms, you have someone quick to vocalize their feelings and then blame others for negative outcomes.

The Psychological Effects of Projection & Deflecting Blame

Accepting responsibility for one’s actions is a mature act. When children own up for their bad behavior, we are impressed. However, it should be considered the standard for adults. Unfortunately, it is not. As Psychology Today explores, some people are bound to always blame others for their own shortcomings, failures, and misfortunes due to numerous factors.

Like externalization behaviors, projection often occurs in people who are unable to regulate their emotions. This can be performed as a defense mechanism to shift one’s own negative and uncomfortable feelings. People who engage in such behavior therefore transfer negativity onto others due to their poor emotional regulation in order to alleviate their negative feelings and responsibility.

However, constantly being the recipient of one’s blame comes at a steep cost. When one is being called out and criticized constantly, they can develop both mental and physical health concerns as they become nervous, defensive, and experience lowered self-esteem. Therefore, people who project their own feelings can cause psychological and even physical harm to others due to their own failures to regulate their emotions and accept accountability.

How To Reverse Projection

Ironically enough, the way to stop projection is to do the very thing that projection avoids: take accountability. To try and achieve this, people who project should become more mindful of their language. When something goes wrong, consider your initial response. Is it to accept responsibility or understand things just happen, or do you immediately jump to blaming someone or something else?

Citing astrology charts for negative occurrences or personality flaws may feel like a quick fix for relieving personal responsibility, but it is healthy to own up to one’s actions. Here’s the harsh truth: it’s extremely draining to be around people who are constantly projecting. This behavior isolates others and indicates immaturity, pessimism, and a narrow perspective.

People who find they project too much should consider improving their emotional regulation. Of course, this is a lofty task that requires time, effort, and the desire to change. Better Help lists some solutions for improving emotional regulation. This starts with noticing feelings, naming them, and accepting them. Mindfulness, journaling, positive self-talk, and therapy can also help people become better regulators.

Final Thoughts on Projection

To some, language doesn’t matter. However, it is more important than you might think. The way we communicate not only affects our attitudes and perceptions, but it conveys a message about who we are as people. We can either be people who project our anger and point fingers every time something goes wrong, or we can accept responsibility for situations and seek resolution.

In order to stop projecting, people truly have to be mindful of their language. Admitting one’s faults can be powerful, as a surprising number of people have difficulty seeing, accepting, and acknowledging when they are wrong. However, this is the only true way that self-improvement can be brought about.

In many cases, you determine your fate and outcome. Yes, there are real instances of adversity such as institutionalized racism that are designed to hold people down. But people who project should try to take a step back and realize that the universe isn’t out to get them. While it’s extremely natural for humans to center ourselves, it’s only through ownership that we can achieve real growth.

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