A raw examination of postpartum mental health, the impact of parenthood on relationships, and the accountability of both partners in managing challenges.

Can a life-altering shift really occur overnight? Just as a baby is brought into the world and radically alters the course of a couple’s life, some women seem to shift just as quickly when they take on the role of motherhood. But what happens when things aren’t as one expected? I’m not talking about the stress of raising kids—I’m exploring the loss of identity that can accompany it.

Many parents will say parenthood is their life’s great joy. In fact, 80% of respondents find parenthood to be enjoyable. But, postpartum mental health can take a massive toll on one’s sense of self. What happens when being a parent seems to rob a woman of her identity?

Once stable and self-assured, some women suddenly find themselves drowning in emotions they don’t recognize. Postpartum mental health isn’t just about “baby blues” and it’s not something that can be shaken off with gratitude. But the crushing yet not uncommon emotions that some postpartum women experience often aren’t given a comfortable platform in society.

How can we better respond to this issue? Step one is understanding what’s going on. Then, we need to examine how to redefine societal postpartum expectations. The following piece explores the realities of postpartum struggles, how society views mothers, and the accountability shared between partners.

Postpartum Mental Health: What Changes After Birth?

Postpartum mental health is no joke. The postpartum period brings a whirlwind of changes that impact women physically, emotionally, and psychologically. These include, but are certainly not limited to:

• Hormonal fluctuations that can trigger mood swings, depression, anxiety, or even psychosis
• Sleep deprivation, isolation, and societal pressure new mothers face
• Financial and social changes that impact the parenthood journey
• Conditions like postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety (PPA), and postpartum psychosis that affect countless women.

When it comes to postpartum depression, up to 15% of women experience this unique form of depression that occurs after giving birth. Furthermore, maternal mental health disorders (including postpartum depression) affect roughly 600,000 new mothers in the U.S. annually, amounting to 20%.

Postpartum depression is characterized by emotional highs and lows, as well as crying, anxiety, guilt, and fatigue. When left untreated, postpartum depression can interfere with caring for one’s newborn and impact the baby’s health, while it also severely affects the health and well-being of new mothers.

Even though untreated postpartum mental health issues can last for years, postpartum mental health rarely receives the attention it deserves. This leads to many women finding themselves misunderstood and dismissed when their reaction to motherhood doesn’t match what is found in popular media.

Continued Reading: All About Postpartum Depression (Cleveland Clinic)

A Historical Look at Postpartum Mental Health

The grim reality is that postpartum mental health struggles have been mistreated for far too long. Historically, postpartum mental health is consistently misunderstood—with sometimes devastating consequences.

In ancient times, women experiencing postpartum depression or psychosis were often dismissed as being possessed or cursed. In medieval Europe, women who exhibited symptoms of postpartum distress were sometimes accused of witchcraft. The stigma surrounding maternal mental health issues led to cruel and inhumane treatments—ranging from exorcisms to institutionalization to being burned at the stake. (For more on this, check out the film Witches by Elizabeth Sankey.)

The 19th century saw the rise of “hysteria” as a common diagnosis for women suffering from postpartum disorders. Rather than recognizing the biological and psychological shifts occurring after childbirth, medical professionals pathologized women’s distress as a sign of emotional instability or weakness. Women were routinely placed in asylums for exhibiting symptoms of postpartum depression or psychosis, often separated from their children and left untreated.

It wasn’t until the late 20th century that medical research began to acknowledge postpartum depression as a legitimate and treatable medical condition. The feminist movement played a key role in shifting the narrative around postpartum mental health. Although many women have since fought for women’s autonomy in medical care, as well as the importance of recognizing and addressing maternal mental health struggles, postpartum mental health still remains a controversial subject to many.

How Are Postpartum Women Treated Today?

Despite significant medical advancements, postpartum women today face persistent barriers in receiving adequate care. Women commonly report feeling dismissed by healthcare providers, as many issues women face are dismissed or downplayed due to preconceived biases and medical gaslighting. Unfortunately, it’s seldom different when it comes to seeking help for postpartum struggles.

The persistent societal expectation that motherhood should be a singularly blissful and even magical experience is one thing that majorly impacts a woman’s ability to receive care. This persistent narrative openly discourages new mothers from discussing their mental health challenges, as they fear being judged, shamed, and labeled bad caregivers.

Additionally, systemic inequalities in healthcare mean that women of color, low-income mothers, and those without adequate health insurance have a more challenging time accessing postpartum mental health services. The National Library of Medicine found, “significant racial-ethnic differences in depression-related mental health care after delivery.”

Resource: Postpartum Support International

Can you experience postpartum mental health issues if you didn’t give birth?

While some postpartum struggles are unique to experiencing birth, mental health issues can impact all kinds of new parents. Whether you’re two men adopting a baby or a couple who relied on a surrogate, postpartum mental health issues can affect the joy of any new parents.

When it comes to heterosexual couples, 1 in 10 men are reported to have depression during the postpartum period. While women’s symptoms tend to peak with the first few months following birth, men usually find their struggles escalating later in the first year. Symptoms of male postpartum struggles often revolve around anger and risk, while women experience more hopelessness and guilt.

Does Postpartum Mental Health Get Enough Attention?

The short answer: No.

While awareness has improved over the decades, postpartum mental health remains significantly under-discussed and underfunded. Many women are not screened for postpartum depression at their postpartum check-ups, leaving many undiagnosed and untreated. In the United States, maternal mental health programs receive far less funding compared to other aspects of reproductive health.

Recent legislative actions have further exacerbated this issue. In late 2024, Congress passed continuing resolutions to avert a government shutdown, resulting in notable funding cuts for maternal health initiatives. Specifically, funding for state Maternal Mortality Review Committees (MMRCs) and the Advisory Committee on Infant Mortality was removed, directly impacting programs aimed at addressing maternal health concerns, including mental health. ​

Furthermore, media representation of postpartum mental health also remains limited. While there has been progress in openly discussing issues like postpartum depression, conditions like postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and postpartum psychosis remain largely unrecognized in mainstream discourse.

Resource: MGH Center for Women’s Mental Health

Postpartum Accountability: Where Do We Draw the Line?

At what point does postpartum distress become something more concerning? When does emotional struggle turn into emotional or verbal harm? Before we discuss some treatment options for postpartum mental health struggles and start to address what needs to be done, it’s critical to make a distinction.

Although postpartum mental health struggles absolutely need to be recognized and treated with compassion, mental health challenges never excuse someone’s abusive behavior. Mental illness is an explanation for bad behavior, but it never justifies abuse. Therefore, if postpartum mental health issues impact the way new parents treat their child or partner, they cannot simply be excused.

When one partner experiences severe emotional distress, the other may feel helpless, ignored, or resentful. Postpartum mental health struggles do not occur in a vacuum—their implications affect the care newborns receive, impact relationships, and can cause distress for other children in the family.

Understanding goes both ways—partners need to recognize the signs of postpartum mental health struggles, and struggling mothers need support while also acknowledging the strain it places on others.

Scenario: Sandra and Mark shared a relatively stable relationship before becoming parents. But after giving birth, Sandra feels overwhelmed. Her body doesn’t “snap back” as quickly as celebrity culture implies it should. Sleep deprivation and the monotony of caring for a newborn during parental leave weigh on her. Meanwhile, Mark continues his usual work routine, socializing with colleagues while she feels increasingly isolated at home.

As exhaustion sets in, Sandra begins to resent Mark’s ability to leave the house and maintain his career. She feels disconnected from the ambitious, independent person she once was. With every passing day, her frustration grows. She lashes out—first with sharp words, then with emotional outbursts that escalate into breaking objects and physical aggression.

Her postpartum struggles remain untreated, and their young son grows up in an unstable environment. He begins mirroring her emotional volatility, acting out both at home and in school. While he appears calmer around Mark, his behavior shifts dramatically around Sandra, adding to her mounting stress. The cycle of frustration and conflict continues for years, ultimately straining Sandra and Mark’s marriage to the breaking point.

How Is Postpartum Mental Health Treated?

How can struggling new parents get the help they need without neglecting the well-being of their families? It’s critical to create a safe space without blame where the realities of parenthood can be explored without judgment. While postpartum mental health issues remain stigmatized and underrepresented in the media, there are recognized treatments. These include:

• Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) are commonly recommended for struggling new parents.
• Medication: Antidepressants, such as SSRIs, are prescribed for moderate to severe cases, often in combination with therapy.
• Hormonal Treatments: Some studies suggest that hormone therapy can help address the rapid hormonal shifts that contribute to postpartum mood disorders.
• Peer Support Groups: Many women find comfort in speaking with others who have experienced postpartum depression, reducing feelings of isolation.
• Lifestyle Adjustments: While not a sole treatment, getting adequate sleep, nutrition, and support from family can aid in managing symptoms. This is where both parents must work together to support each other.

At the same time, it’s necessary to acknowledge that stigma still prevents many women from seeking help. The societal perception that mothers should instinctively be happy and fulfilled post-birth leads to shame and silence. In reality, postpartum mental health struggles are common, and seeking help should be normalized.

Closing Thoughts on Postpartum Mental Health

To move forward, greater emphasis must be placed on early screening, affordable mental health services, and normalizing conversations around postpartum mental health. We need a shift in societal expectations—one that acknowledges the complexity of motherhood and allows women the space to express their struggles without shame.

Postpartum mental health demands more open conversation, more resources, and more societal support. It’s important that partners, friends, and family members recognize the vital role they play in providing postpartum mental health support—without enabling harmful behaviors. Partners in particular need to support each other and have open conversations about postpartum care and expectations.

Ultimately, education is key. Understanding postpartum mental health and devising a plan to navigate postpartum struggles as a team empowers both parents to handle challenges more effectively. By fostering both understanding and accountability, we can create a culture supporting mothers while prioritizing the well-being of their partners and children.

At the end of the day, both partners deserve to be heard, supported, and understood—while all children deserve stable, healthy, and happy environments.

Continued Reading: Do Men Hate Women?