In today’s article, I explore certain dating arrangements that are considered taboo in polite society, but are gradually becoming more accepted, including throuples and other forms of polygamy.
What constitutes a “socially acceptable” couple? Once upon a time we lived in a society where interracial dating was considered taboo. (And you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think it’s still judged by some.) And of course gay marriage has labored to receive its recognition. On June 26, 2015, the United States made a monumental move as they finally got up to date with marriage laws and legalized same-sex marriage across all 50 states. Now we’re living in an age where a variety of different identities are being recognized, allowing for a beautiful and diverse mixture of couples to thrive. MTV even recently released a (brilliant) sexually fluid season of Are You the One, demonstrating that mainstream culture is attempting to show a wider range of visibility that surpasses gender limitations. Today I’m going to discuss some other dating arrangements that conflict with the traditional idea of “man and wife,” instead revealing just how explorative sexuality can be. Though they don’t necessarily involve homosexual relationships, these arrangements do reflect the truth that sexuality is a spectrum.
A play on the word “couple,” a “throuple” involves a relationship between three people rather than the traditional two. The first question that usually arises when throuplehood is brought up is how exactly does that work? Is throuplehood a constant ménage à trois, does it involve partner switching, or does one person exclusively date the two other? Because, as Sex and the City taught me many years ago, when there is a threesome occurring, someone is always the “guest star,” meaning there is a core couple and an extra player. Is this also the case for the average throuple? It turns out that throuplehood surpasses the carnal superficiality of threesomes to be more inclusive than many might believe.
A Huffington Post UK article explains the differences of throuple relationships and threesomes. Sex educator Alix Fox defines throuples as “an intimate, loving, equal relationship between a trio of people,” and “a close romantic bond shared by three human beings, rather than the more traditional two.” While threesomes are purely sexual encounters, throuples provide a platform for a more committed relationship that is deeper than purely erotics. Throuples are therefore a form of polyamory, representing a relationship as many recognize in the traditional sense that simply occurs between three rather than two people. Instead of being viewed in a negative light, they can instead be viewed as a consensual form of non-monogamous love.
The term polygamy is one that is apt to draw a number of red flags. While polygamous relationships can be used as a form of control that allows a male figure to essentially collect wives, polygamy can also be viewed in a healthy and ordinary light. A common misconception about polygamy is that it is purely centered around sex. Like monogamous relationships, polygamous partnerships provide the same platform for love, support, and companionship. And like monogamous relationships, polygamous ones require work, consent, and communication. A key ingredient that keeps polyamorous relationships thriving is choice. Rather than involving one partner persuading the other to allow other parties to join, healthy polygamy is an equal agreement amongst all parties involved and something that arises organically. As long as everyone is in agreement, there are many ways in which a healthy relationship can operate.
While monogamy is prized and celebrated amongst some, it also is an aspect of relationships that not all partners wish to include. As in any healthy and lasting relationship, the key components of an open relationship are communication and consent, which allows couples to craft their own definition of how they wish to define their commitment. While throuples and other cases of polygamous partnerships involve actual relationships amongst multiple people, open marriages and relationships instead tend to involve a couple mutually agreeing to individually seek out sexual encounters with other partners. Unlike in threesomes, this form of a relationship involves the partners seeking sexual satisfaction without the presence of their partner. While some might gawk at the thought of giving their partner permission to have sexual relations with other people, not all feel the need to be exclusively sexual with their partner.
In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with monogamy. However, it is important to acknowledge that there are also many other romantic arrangements and relationships that exist and don’t need to be judged. Acknowledging and accepting the diversity of relationships that exist in no way takes away from whatever relationships we choose to engage in personally. As long as there is full consent and respect between all members of the relationship, there is no reason why non-traditional relationships shouldn’t be accepted mainstream. Overall, the three key words to remember are consent, communication, and choice. An arrangement will only work out if all members of the relationship feel comfortable with it. While it’s perfectly fine to explore and personally test your boundaries, always make sure to voice your needs and limitations with your partner(s), no matter the nature or arrangement of the relationship.