Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you want to die, or if you’re worried that someone you know is suffering from depression or suicidal ideation, please give this a full read first.

I will wear these scars on my arm for my whole life. People try to tell me that they will fade, and I tell them that they won’t. I’ve had the first one for a good nine years. They are a part of my body, meridians painted on the outside, channels flowing my essential forces of life. Because I didn’t etch these lines onto my skin in a bid to take my life; as absurd as it might sound to some, I did it to maintain life in the midst of utter crisis. Well I would never advocate self harm as a coping mechanism for suicidal thoughts, there are many things we do to survive. The important part is ensuring that we keep ourselves intact in the process.

Something I have come to understand about trauma is that it is not exceptional for the rarity in which it occurs, but for the impact it has on our ability to cope. That means that many people experience crushing traumas in their life, so if you are in pain then the cliche you are not alone is one-hundred percent valid. However, the fact that other people are also suffering doesn’t make your pain any less important, and it certainly doesn’t make your needs any less immediate or valid. It just means that if you find yourself asking questions such as why am I like this? or why can’t I be normal?, you are not alone and chances are you are actually quite normal for thinking these thoughts. Something the manga series Death Note taught me is that:

Suicide is a universally valid cause of death as all humans are thought to possess the potential to commit suicide. It is, therefore, something that may be reasonably assumed of an individual.

So, basically, we’re all out here, and we’re all in pain, but naturally communication is blocked and crooked, and we aren’t all coming together and mending things together like we should be. And honestly, if you haven’t considered death at one point in your life or at the very least questioned it, then you’re probably in the minority. So why don’t we all just kill ourselves? I’m sure that’s a question you wouldn’t expect to be asked in an article telling you why you shouldn’t die, but I’m not here to sugarcoat and pander and read off a WebMD or Mayo Clinic list of things you can do. I’m here to look you in the eye (or through the keyboard in this case) and tell you, hey I get it, but the thing is there is a reason why most people don’t kill themselves, and why sometimes when we make attempts, we don’t really even want to die.

The truth is that most suicidal feelings are very, very temporary. As someone well-versed in the suffocating veil that is depression, someone all too familiar with the heavy black fog that shrouds your body and leaves you gasping for air under the bell jar, I understand how absurd this sentence might sound, but it’s the truth. Even if we spend most of the time not really wanting to be alive, the moments in which we seriously consider taking our lives and have the force needed to act upon it are few and far between. So the most important thing you can do if you find yourself in one of those moments is to remove the physical object. Do yourself a favor and throw away the razors, ditch the gun, flush the prescriptions. Call someone and tell them you need help. If they ignore you or won’t take you serious or have the audacity to belittle you, hang up the phone. Call someone else. Keep calling until someone listens, until someone takes you serious. Don’t have anyone to call? Call the emergency line, dial 911, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Yeah, I know we don’t want to do it. But sometimes it’s not about want, it’s a question of need.

Because the truth is that there is at least one more thing you’re going to want to get out of this life. It might not seem like it, but there is at least one thing left in this world that you want to see, that you want to feel, that you want to touch, that you want to taste. There is something in this life that is going to make you smile, make you laugh, make you feel okay for a minute. And you shouldn’t have to miss that opportunity just because your brain is in a temporary panic. Key word being temporary, because if you force yourself to live through the panic, you really will realize that death is never the only answer. And if it seems like the only answer, then you know you’re lying to yourself or you’re really not thinking too hard. And I bet you can come up with at least one other option.

I want to spend a moment to focus on what you should do if you notice other people are in crises. It can be extremely overwhelming when someone else expresses their grief, but it’s crucial to never make them feel poorly about opening up. The truth is there really isn’t anything you can say that will take the pain away in full, that will absolve them of their suffering. But there is something that you can do, one of two things really. The first thing you can do is listen to them. When people are expressing pain, it’s a natural response to make them feel less alienated by sharing your own problems. But the thing is, this can often make their problems feel less recognized. So what you need to do is sit and listen and let the person know that they are heard and they are not alone and that you can be trusted to take any appropriate actions, such as calling 911 or helping them dispose of methods of self harm, that might be needed. You don’t need to pull a beautiful speech out of your hat; you just need to let them know that you’ve got their back and you’re there.

Then there is another thing that you can do, an optional step that really depends on the depth of your relationship, the extent to which you care for the individual in pain. You can grieve with them, mourn with them. No, we cannot take the pain away from those we love, despite how much we wish to. And no, we should not be tasked with putting ourselves in pain to lift the spirts of another. But we certainly can acknowledge their grief but allowing them to mourn. And we can hold that person, cry with them, yell with them, as that grief is recognized and released. Society teaches us to hide our pain, to pride ourselves with the ability to endure. But the thing is that we’re never going to get better until we recognize why we are in pain. Until that pain comes to light and is faced, no matter if it’s fully understood or not, we’re never going to move past it. So understand that it’s okay to grieve with others and it’s entirely valid and even necessary to request the right to express your grief. You deserve that. And that’s not all you deserve.

As I wrap up, let’s circle back to the start. Yes, I will wear these cuts forever, and no I will never be ashamed of them. I won’t show them off, but I will never hide them. But the things we might be doing to string ourselves along, the harm and pills and booze and unhealthy coping mechanisms that we say we need could be exacerbating the problem. Hell, they most likely are part of the issue. Instead of coping in the same damaging ways, seek new options. Challenge yourself to let go of your past behaviors and seek new ways to approach life. Because the thing is, no matter who you are, no matter what you’ve done, you deserve that. You are a fucking human being, and I’m sure at least a slightly exceptional one. And even if you don’t think there’s anything exceptional about yourself, who cares? You don’t have to be exceptional for anyone. You just have to live your life, because there is value to be had in it. Yes, you can use it to give back to the world, and I’m sure that would help you to feel better. But you can also use it to live for yourself. Because it’s yours.

You deserve to be alive. Fuck everyone who said or made you feel differently about the matter. If you’re going through hell, you really should keep going. Because even if you end up getting nowhere, you don’t want to die in hell. You don’t want to stay in hell. Fuck that. You deserve to see the stars again. And if you hold on, I promise, no matter how far-fetched the idea might be, you really will come out the other side. I am amongst the last people who would have ever wanted to admit that, but when you hold on, you start to realize all you had to lose. And the fact is, no person or situation or chemical imbalance or combination of them all deserve to take your life away from you. So don’t let them.