Do you worry that your reality is being overridden? Learn how dehumanization creates the cognitive distance needed for harm to occur.
Introduction: The dangers of dehumanization
Your partner stands over you with a blank expression while you’re sobbing. They don’t feel a twinge of guilt for making you cry. Billionaires force their workforce to operate under barbaric conditions and repackage it as innovation. They sleep soundly at night. People brutalize those they decide are inferior, telling themselves they’re cleansing the world. They think they’re on the right side of history.
How do people commit devastating cruelty with casual detachment? One answer is dehumanization, a shift in perception that makes it significantly easier to harm others. There are natural limits — hesitation, friction, empathy — when you view someone as an autonomous person. All of this erodes when that perception changes.
Let’s say you got caught in the heat of the moment and insulted someone until they started crying. Even if you’re frustrated, most people would then halt their behavior and feel at least a little guilty. They would recognize they went too far with their insults and likely apologize. Dehumanization prevents this.
If you instead decide that the other person is not really crying — that they are performing to provoke sympathy — it becomes easier to dismiss the moment and excuse your behavior. You don’t feel guilty or responsible, let alone apologetic. When a person is no longer experienced as an equal being, their reactions are easier to dismiss and reinterpret. Most significantly, their distress no longer functions as a signal to stop.
If this patterns sounds familiar to you, dehumanization may be subtly eroding your sense of self. The following piece breaks down what it is, how it’s shaped history, and how to recognize dehumanization patterns in relationships.
Table of Contents
What is dehumanization?
Dehumanization is a well-documented psychological process that appears across history, institutions, and systems of power. Psychologist Nick Haslam describes it as the denial of key aspects of humanness, including identity, emotional depth, and individuality. Haslam’s 2006 model presents two dimensions of humanness that are denied to others through dehumanization, including:
- characteristics that are uniquely human (“Human Uniqueness”), and
- characteristics that constitute human nature (“Human Nature”).
Human Uniqueness encompasses the attributes that distinguish humans from other animals, such as refinement, civility, morality, and higher cognition. Denying Human Uniqueness to individuals or groups likens them to an animalistic or childlike subset of existence, including traits of being immature, coarse, irrational, or backward.
Denying Human Uniqueness: Someone makes a mistake, and you call them “irrational” or like a “toddler,” inferring that they lack basic intelligence or moral judgment. You treat them like a burden despite it being a small mistake they apologized for.
Human Nature refers to shared and fundamental attributes of humanity, such as emotionality, warmth, and cognitive flexibility. Denying Human Nature likens individuals or groups to objects or machines, presenting them as cold, rigid, inert, and without emotion.
Denying Human Nature: You treat someone’s emotions as irrelevant, expecting the other person to be calm, logical, and unaffected no matter what. You dismiss their genuine feelings and demand they behave how you see fit.
In relationships, dehumanization often takes the form of reduction. A person is no longer approached as a full subject with thoughts, feelings, context, and dignity. Instead, they become:
- a problem to manage
- a burden to resent
- a body to use
- a role to control
- a caricature to dismiss
- a symptom to explain away
As dehumanization takes hold, empathy nosedives, curiosity dries up, and nuance all but vanishes. Respectful and curious conversation seeks mutual understanding. With dehumanization, a person only needs to be categorized.
What is humiliation?
Humiliation is closely tied to dehumanization, though there are notable distinctions. Humiliation involves being degraded, ridiculed, or pushed into a lower position, often by someone who holds power in the interaction.
Research on humiliation has linked it to a sense of powerlessness and dehumanization, as well as low self-esteem. It’s not the same as shame or embarrassment, which tend to be one-off situational responses.
→ Shame, embarrassment, and guilt are largely situational and surface-level.
→ Humiliation is a character attack that touches upon someone’s core attributes.
In her research on humiliation, Linda M. Hartling differentiates humiliation as an attack on dignity, not just behavior. It can have both immediate and lasting psychological effects. Like dehumanization, humiliation is a violation of the self.
In emotionally abusive dynamics, humiliation often functions as a control mechanism. It increases self-consciousness, reduces confidence, and discourages resistance. Over time, this trains a person to avoid speaking, reacting, or asserting themselves.
How dehumanization has shaped humanity
Dehumanization uses language and stereotyping to force power and control, enabling harmful behaviors like discrimination and violence.
One mechanism people use to reduce others is employing language and labeling. A woman’s rightful response might be cut down with words like “crazy” and “hysterical.” A white supremacist might justify their hatred of other races by reducing them to animalistic words and slurs, like “vermin” and “parasites,” refusing to see them as equal beings.
Dehumanization also centers around moral disengagement, a theory from social cognitive psychologist Albert Bandura that explains how some people selectively detach from their moral codes. In these cases, individuals may disengage from the self-sanctions that normally regulate behavior. This allows them to behave immorally without harboring negative feelings about themselves.
Dehumanization can range from commonplace and casual to far-reaching and episodic. It’s a well-documented tool of oppressors and people in positions of power. Very Well Mind explores its historical context to understand how dehumanization has been used to perpetuate cycles of abuse. Throughout history, racism, sexism, homophobia, torture, and even genocide attest to the severe consequences that occur when people are no longer viewed as fully human.
Since dehumanization dismisses, excuses, and justifies mistreating others, it’s been used to repaint narratives and create an “in-group” versus an “out-group” or “Other.” Even mass acts of violence and hatred become easier to carry out once mental distance is created and equality is refuted. Dehumanization has perpetuated generational traumas, including the marginalization of indigenous Americans and the enslavement of Black Americans.
When dehumanization becomes dangerous
Dehumanization stems from many origins — sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, repressed internal feelings and fears — but it’s always centered around a reduction of another person or group. When people fail to recognize the mind of another person, they are more likely to treat them as an object rather than a subject, which inherently intertwines dehumanization and violence.
As Haslam explored in his paper, “The Many Roles of Dehumanization in Genocide,” dehumanization is a commonly understood preparatory step in genocide studies. When attempting to annihilate another group, propaganda that likens the group to animals and reduces their humaneness enables violence. Not only does dehumanization preface violence, but it also contributes to present violent acts. Furthermore, it justifies and minimizes the harm caused, which can facilitate widespread destruction.
Dehumanization in close relationships
While some instances of dehumanization are more overt, such as those witnessed by hate groups, experiencing dehumanization in close personal relationships can be more subtly damaging. Dehumanization can be profoundly destabilizing when it comes from family members, romantic partners, friends, or coworkers, especially since the victim often doesn’t recognize what’s happening.
In a pattern known as reality distortion, an individual’s live experience is overridden by another person’s personal interpretation. For example, you might compliment your friend on their new blouse. Your friend snaps back that your tone had attitude and you were insulting their clothes. They call you rude and childish. No matter how much you clarify that your compliment was genuine, the other person decides who you are and what you truly meant.
In this scenario, no amount of explanation or justification can convince the other person that you were sincere. That’s because when dehumanization occurs, it doesn’t matter what the person is actually doing in the present. If one person has already cognitively categorized the other as a lesser being, they will no longer listen to the other person’s reality. No amount of arguing can change that.
Dehumanization in daily life
As defined by Miranda Fricker, epistemic invalidation devalues someone’s perception, experience, or knowledge. It often occurs due to power imbalances and prejudice. Epistemic invalidation can lead to people being silenced or dismissed as their words are called into question and lose credibility.
Epistemic injustice is embedded into social structures and helps dominant groups control narratives that keep other groups oppressed and in positions of powerlessness or reduced power. It can be witnessed on individual levels such as a patient being medically gaslighted by a doctor or a woman’s opinion being dismissed during a board meeting due to her gender.
Recognizing dehumanization patterns
In many case abuse isn’t overt. Someone might not be able to put their finger on exactly what feels wrong, though they’ve noticed that as a relationship has progressed, their words carry less weight, their needs are becoming routinely dismissed, and care has become conditional. This could be because of common dehumanization patterns like the ones listed below.
1. Reality override
You explain that you are upset because something hurt your feelings. The other person replies that you are not really hurt and suggests you are manipulating the situation. You clarify again. They insist they know you better than you know yourself. Eventually you cave in. In this case, your internal experience is being replaced with an invented reality that better serves the other person’s narrative.
2. Denied credibility
A car accident occurs. You’re not at fault, but you’re blamed for it. You try to explain yourself to a police officer because you are being misrepresented. The more you explain, the more your effort is framed as evidence that you are irrational. Eventually, you focus less on being understood and more on appearing calm enough to remain credible. Still, you’re viewed as too emotional and your testimony is discredited.
3. Signaled contempt
You present a workplace conflict to your boss, hoping for a resolution. Instead, you’re met with averted eye contact and smirking. Your evident distress is treated as insignificant. Even without verbal judgment, the message is communicated through tone and behavior. Your reaction does not deserve respect. Your boss is not hearing the conflict at hand. Instead, you feel reduced from an individual to an output, role, or problem.
4. Public humiliation
Your parent frames you as unstable, overly emotional, or difficult. Unlike some forms of abuse, this doesn’t occur in isolation. Instead, behavior shifts in front of others. Humiliation becomes social, subtly shaping how others perceive you. In some instances, the humiliator purposely provokes a reaction only to selectively use it as proof of your instability. They might record breakdowns and show it to others as evidence that you’re the problem.
5. Dismissal & reframing
A partner continues to seek connection, attention, or physical intimacy while dismissing your inner world. They request touch, but frequently frame your emotions as excessive or irrelevant. Your value becomes tied to what you provide, not who you are. You begin to feel more like an object and less like an equal partner. This is dehumanization through reduction.
Food for thought: Some question why people remain in abusive relationships. Here, the inverse can be asked: How can someone continue to be with someone they don’t see as a person with agency? Dehumanization can exist alongside intimacy. There are many things people wish to attain from someone else while still holding a disregard for their inner life, such as presence, labor, physicality, or attention.
The effects of dehumanization
Haslam and Brock Bastian studied the effects of dehumanization and concluded that it undermines basic elements of personhood, such as identity and status. When dehumanization occurs in close relationships, one may begin to:
- rehearse conversations internally,
- over-explain neutral behavior,
- question tone and intent, and
- monitor themselves for misinterpretation.
Furthermore, research has extensively documented the mental, physical, and spiritual effects of abuse. Emotional abuse is associated with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and cognitive strain. Dehumanization and humiliation intensify these effects by targeting identity and dignity, not just behavior.
Many people who experience reality distortion and dehumanization describe a loss of reality or self as they undergo a fundamental breakdown in how experience is processed and trusted. This can have profound effects on their ability to trust their own memory.
Why dehumanization feels so destabilizing
Dehumanization is designed to disrupt the structure of self-trust. It disenfranchises one person while giving a sense of power and control to the other. When compounded with other forms of reduction, it’s easy to see how a sense of unreality settles in.
→ Dehumanization reduces someone from a person to a function or category.
→ Humiliation enforces that reduction by making it painful to resist.
→ Epistemic invalidation removes authority over one’s thoughts and feelings.
This combination is part of what makes coercive control (when someone tries to control you and force a behavior or response) so effective. Oppressors manipulate power, perception, and identity until others are destabilized and effectively discredited.
When it isn’t dehumanization
Like all forms of abuse, dehumanization is not defined by a single bad reaction. Not all conflicts result in clear displays of empathy, but that doesn’t mean they involve dehumanization. Many people mask their emotions out of fear of vulnerability. Misunderstandings occur, people might be momentarily defensive, and stress can lead to uncharacteristic harshness.
The ultimate difference is whether your perspective is repeatedly denied credibility. In ordinary conflict, an explanation can still be heard even if it’s not immediate. In dehumanizing dynamics, the explanation is absorbed, reframed, or dismissed in a way that removes its authority. An easy way to test the situation is to give it the chance to cool off and then see if your clarification is accepted.
Most rational people can eventually pause and listen to the other person’s perspective. Dehumanization, on the other hand, persists. Reactions continue to be reframed. Reality continues to be overridden. Clarifications aren’t accepted and apologies aren’t offered. Instead, your version of reality stops mattering. This is what turns a routine disagreement into a dehumanizing experience.
The core difference is recovery. When the moment passes, is there some recognition? Can the other person reflect, adjust, and re-engage with your perspective? Are you being treated as a person of equal value?
Closing words: Unlearning Othering
Ultimately, dehumanization involves a failure to recognize someone else’s mind, which creates the distance necessary for guilt-free harm to occur. Rather than try to remedy dehumanization in the moment — which will almost always result in an exhausting circular argument — dehumanization is something that has to be structurally addressed.
As Very Well Mind suggests, empathy needs to be taught. Children should learn the cognitive and social skills needed to really listen to others and take in their diverse experiences. Considering different perspectives and ways of life must be encouraged. The goal isn’t always to agree but rather to allow two points of view to stand.
Additionally, we need to reduce stereotyping by paying attention to the language we use. People need to take more responsibility for their words and consider what patterns are enforced through the way certain groups are represented and discussed. This doesn’t mean edgy jokes have to stop. But racial slurs and offensive discourse can fade from conversation. People can also be more mindful of the language they use when referring to others when they are upset. There’s a difference between expressing anger and cutting another person down.
Don’t lose yourself to dehumanization
Before I conclude, I want to reissue a warning to those who recognize that they’re being dehumanized: don’t try to reason with the person. Arguing logic with someone who is reality-distorting will not result in clarity. You will only exhaust yourself and potentially lose sight of your reality along the way.
That doesn’t mean that the person won’t ever change. Many people go through periods of self-reflection or have life-altering experiences that prompt profound change. They can heal from oppressive and controlling behavior. But you don’t know when or if this is going to happen. And, despite your best efforts, you will only burn yourself out trying to prompt change.
Most importantly, it isn’t your job to get other people to see reality. Protect yourself and your peace. Know that you aren’t crazy. The confusion you feel is a reflection of the environment you are responding to. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone else to justify your reality and your lived experience.
Continued Reading: Why Do I Feel Crazy? Understanding Reality Distortion & Emotional Abuse
Title photo by Andrea Cassani on Unsplash.
Frequently asked questions
Below you can find frequently asked questions about dehumanization.
How is dehumanization different from normal conflict?
In normal conflict, both people are still treated as full individuals. Dehumanization reduces one person to a role, problem, or stereotype. Their inner world stops being taken seriously. If a situation is resolved with explanation, it was a misunderstanding. Dehumanization occurs when there are repeated attempts to override someone’s lived experience with an imposed interpretation.
What does humiliation look like in emotional abuse?
Humiliation often shows up as contempt, mockery, or subtle degradation. Examples include eye-rolling, dismissive behavior, or making someone feel small, ridiculous, or exposed, especially when they’re vulnerable.
Why does this combination feel so destabilizing?
Experiencing dehumanization and humiliation, especially from a romantic partner, is fundamentally destabilizing because it attacks multiple layers at once. This includes your ability to trust your own mind, your sense of being a full person, and your dignity in the interaction. When all three are simultaneously impacted, it can create a deep sense of confusion and unreality.
Is dehumanization in relationships the same as gaslighting?
Not exactly. Gaslighting focuses on denying reality. A dehumanization pattern goes further, also encompassing overriding interpretation, reducing personhood, and often enforcing control through humiliation.
Can someone do this without realizing it?
Yes. Some people use these patterns consciously, but others use them defensively. This tends to be the case especially if people struggle with accountability, control, or emotional regulation. They might lash out in defensiveness and reduce the other person due to reactive self-preservation. However, that doesn’t change the impact.